Sunday, 5 April 2009

5.4.09 not a good day :/ bit of a rant.

ok so today i did some swimming i was supposed to be selling my table to get money togther for my mum's funeral.BUT the woman who was supposed to be buying the table and chairs off me last minute cancelled guh.

i wouldnt mind really i wouldnt but when i dont sleep in the night and in the morning i really am tired its getting me narky and not being happy with my art >.>; all because i cant concentrate long enough to blink looool.

so my partner dragged me out the house kicking and screaming (not really i really cant imagne me doing that loool ) but i wasnt happy told me i was going i spent most of time getting kicked and splashed on by bratty little kids when i'm trying to learn to swim wahahahaaaaaaaa no i cant swim >.>.

then i get back and my auntys like can you look after my lil cousin for me....shes only just started to speak to me and im already regreating it...ever since then shes asked me to look after the dog and do her alot of favours....i feel like a slave more then anything >.> so tomos im looking after her now dont get me wrong i usually love looking after children but when she keeps moanin shes bored and starts crying when she cant get her own way it gets on my nerves! its like u shouldnt act like a spoilt brat in front of me :/ i took her out last week and all she did was that and we didnt end up going to place i was planning to take her. :/

as for me personally i would feel better but things just keep going wrong, i got upset last week because a so called friend of mind decided to say i wasnt depressed even though the doctor has told me i am and that i am using my partner for his money and i dont love him....if i dont like the guy i wouldnt be with him for two years now would i? and me using him noooo he stays at my house and i helped him big time when he last was unemployed its called teamwork :/.

as for my depression i am depressed for alot of things and they are:

1: that my mother was alive one moment then dead the next without me preparing or anything
2: im 10,000 pounds in dept without even trying
3: im overwieght but i dont eat much and im not loosing wieght.
4:everything is just going wrong
5: my sister isnt speaking to me because i asked for help paying with the funeral
6: my cat is ill and shes old but i cant afford vets bills
7: i cant sleep at night because of the nightmares i keep having
8: i hate the fact i have no friends in rl much no more
9: i hate my job
10: i hate the way i look
11: my house is falling apart and the council are making excuses y
12: i also hate the fact that thanks to my works paying me 200 pounds less this month i couldnt pay my full rent so since i was paying my mums areas off already its just added to it and im now worried i wont get help from the goverment because i dont have enough id which i can only provide them with what i have.
13: im worried since im getting help hopfully with the benefits that its to late to req a funeral grant to help pay for my funeral but at the same time i cant afford it..

yuppp alot on my mind :/

sorry for the rants it feels better to get it off my chest.

1 comment:

  1. Now that's a lot to have on your mind! When all the worries of the world are on your shoulders like that, I know that no one except God can comfort and take care of you, so I'll definitely be praying for you that he will bless you and give you strength during these times! Let me know if there's anything I can do to help on my part, whether it's advertising your commissions or anything.